Jokes

Laughter is the best medicine. So here we offer you a variety of jokes to help brighten up your day. Enjoy!

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES
LOVE JOKES
KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES
YO MAMA JOKES
CHUCK NORRIS JOKES

WEIGHT LOSS JOKES

- Q. What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A. A desserter.

- Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.

- I choked on a carrot this afternoon, and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

- Ladies! Do you want to drop 5 pounds? Then let go of your purse.

- I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.

LOVE JOKES

You are like dandruff because I just cannot get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

You are like my asthma. You just take my breath away.

Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, it is February 14th.

What did one boat say to the other?
Are you up for a little row-mance?

What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is blind. Marriage is an eye-opener.

KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the peep hole and find out.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honey bee.
Honey bee who?
Honey bee a dear and get that for me please!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Leaf.
Leaf who?
Leaf me alone!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana.
Nana who?
Nana your business!

YO MAMA JOKES

Yo momma is so fat she walked in front of the TV and I missed 3 shows

Yo momma is so short she can use a sock for a sleeping bag

Yo momma is so stupid she sold her car for gas money.

Yo momma is so fat her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

CHUCK NORRIS JOKES

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.

Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.

Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.